Wow, it's only been three days since I announced the Vegas Justice column, and already my email in-box has been flooded with requests for help. Seems like there are a lot of you out there who've been the victim of cheaters, creepers, and backstabbers. Well, that's why ole Gunnar McDixie is at your door- to give y'all a hand and kick the shit out of a few SIn City villains. If you are feeling a little lost, click here for the intro piece, then come right back in a jiffy.
"Her name was Torrey. She was a showgirl."
Know now that I'm not going to out the villains in this column by name. There'll be enough innuendo and clues along the way for their identities to become clear. And with luck, once their crimes are exposed, these scuzzballs will face the music, pay the price, and perhaps apologize for their significant misdeeds.
Our first case involves a seasoned singer/showgirl who's performed up and down the Las Vegas Strip. Let's call her "Torrey" for this piece. Torrey auditioned for a role in a very popular song-and-dance extravaganza built around a sci-fi scenario. We'll name it ALIENS - THE MUSICAL. Torrey was too excited when she got the offer to come aboard this long-running show but had one concern. The role was vacant because the previous actor had bonked heads with the show's lead.
ALIENS - THE MUSICAL
eunuch (noun) - 1) a castrated man placed in charge or employed as a chamberlain, 2 ) a man or boy deprived of the testes or external genitals, 3 ) one that lacks virility or power
The emcee of ALIENS - THE MUSICAL is a Scottish dude with a super-weird reputation. He's said to live in squalor, his house crawling with roaches and covered in dried animal feces. He's got a well-known obsession with scary dolls, and it's said that he's a eunuch (see definition above). Word around town is that Eunuch also tends to drink heavy-duty after dancing and singing. That sends the creep into fits of rage and jump-starts his libido, leading to inappropriate sexual conduct and everyone's favorite past-time....drunk texting!
Hoping for the best, Torrey still signed on as one of the dancing aliens, a bit part that actually is more of a breakout role. During her time there, Torrey learned that the Scottish eunuch had fostered a volatile environment behind the scenes, often throwing temper tantrums and driving away other members of the cast. It wasn't long before Eunuch the Scottsman was offering to show Torrey what was (missing from) under his kilt. Then the text messages began.
Torrey forwarded screen captures of the eunuch's messages, and I believe them to be one hundred percent legit. Things started out just mildly creepy: "I am so in love with you. I cry every night about you."
Torrey replied with a "Hit the road, Jack", which caused the situation to turn ugly. "I don't know how to go on. You don't get the right to be mad at me. I don't know how I'll ever look you in the eye again. We have to work together this whole week. Why are you so cruel?" "I try to make up for being a dick and you ruin it. Why?"
Then things became REALLY dangerous. "I can't live without you. I hate myself. I hope I die tonight. Spend the rest of your life alone. I hope you die tonight. No one will ever care about you more than me".
Sigourney Weaver puckers up (20th Century Fox)
Unlike Lieutenant Ripley in the big-screen ALIENS, Torrey stood her ground and wouldn't cozy up to the beast. Suddenly, she found her make-up table relocated to the far end of the dressing room, where she was least likely to cross paths with the Scottsman. That wasn't so bad, actually. Things quieted down and the show went on, at least until the pandemic forced ALIENS - THE MUSICAL to take a lengthy hiatus.
After eighteen or so months, it was time to open the spaceship doors once more. Cast members were recalled and told to audition, presumably to confirm that they were in peak condition and able to fit into their ET costumes. All except for Eunuch, who for some reason was exempt from the screening process. Plopped behind a table with the dance captain and the show's producer, Eunuch had packed on a good fifty or sixty pounds. He apparently had also added some behind-the-scenes leverage with the producer to his hefty frame.
As the cast exited the studio, Torrey bid everyone adieu and wished them well. She knew that Eunuch would use this opportunity to exact revenge, making sure that she would be shown the door. Well, the one-time showgirl wasn't wrong. Every single cast member was re-signed for the show....except for Torrey. Now unemployed, she's resorted to taking temporary jobs, doing convention atmosphere modeling, and accepting the occasional out-of-town role. But during the shutdown, this dedicated professional met someone special. And she's feeling much better about herself now that the turmoil of ALIENS is in the rearview mirror.
Let's hope that sharing her story with Vegas 411 and yours truly will elevate Torrey's spirits even higher. As for the Scottsman, he continues to waddle around the stage, looking for his next victim to harass. Gunnar has a suggestion that might make that dressing room a little safer for all: try the "Coma Diet", Porky - you'll lose weight while you sleep.
Do you know any talent agencies or producers who take advantage of entertainers? Any horror stories to share about backstage antics or workplace violations? Have you been treated unfairly or ripped off when doing an honest day's work? Gunnar McDixie wants to know and will keep your identity confidential. Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org.